Mirror

I have suffered with acne all thought out my adolescence life and even right now at the age of 24 I still battle with it. I grew up around really strong and amazing women. Starting from my mom, my aunties to my sisters and they embodied what beauty looked like in my eyes; clear facial skin.

I spend most of my adolescent life admiring and belittling myself infront of anyone I saw whose face was so clear. I felt ugly , small, useless and just unwanted. I doubted the people that showed interest in me, just because of my acne and the huge dark spots on my face.i felt like they pitied me or they were mocking me.if someone looked at me it felt like they were looking at my face;my acne.

I constantly went about buying all the facial products I goggled that were considered effective but I always ended up back to the same spot I was. My low esteem issues got the best of me , I was scared to approach people and I began treating the people around me with good/ amazing/ clear skin way better than the ones that looked like me. Everytime I looked in the faces of people with acne like me, I felt like I was looking into a mirror so I would avoid them, in the process I hang out with the clear skin people making myself look and feel even uglier. I was lost.

Today in the social media world where everyone is portraying a perfect everything , it’s hard to keep up. But I am glad to look into my Instagram and Facebook feeds from time to time and see people just like me, to see people openly living their lives and battling acne , and they are honest about it. I always looked at their smiles and I feel the genuineness in their lives. So I aspired to become that way, to live my life embracing my progresses and failure and not to let acne stop me from being my authentic self

These days I look in the mirror with admiration instead, there are day I still feel ugly but most of those good days I just see the progress and my journey. I see the traces of spots indicating the my story and my life openly. I started to pay more attention to life as a feeling and a sight through my own eyes rather than seeing life from other people’s eyes and perspectives. It’s not all rainbows but I can confidently say, I chose to see me for the person I am, to fall in love with me, to admire me, to encourage me and most importantly to be happy by me,with me.

Maybe I chose my battles poorly this time, or maybe I chose them wisely who knows.